i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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