I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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