just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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