I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
