What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
