I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
