Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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