i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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