why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
