Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
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So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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