First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
