Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
