Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
