I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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