I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
