I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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