His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
