My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
