In the future we'll all be gay
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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