fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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