Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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