morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
