I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
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Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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