Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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