Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Im at strip club and am horny
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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