it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
