great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
