i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
