I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
