I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
