If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
