if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
