how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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