so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
