Are we in a gay sports bar?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
