You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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