____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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