Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
