I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am available for nakedness
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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