Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
