YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
