Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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