that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
