I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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