Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
