Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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