I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
