im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
