Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
