My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
