forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
