thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
