Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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