the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So much Jack, so little girl.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
