so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I intend to get homeless drunk
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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