Kiss
Puke
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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