Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
