Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
