u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im holly from the hills drunk
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
