i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
