So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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