Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
