I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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