Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
