Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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