he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
