escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
