Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
