I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
is wine microwaveable?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
