I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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